Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I Should B explaining part 3

You will need to read Part One and Part Two before reading this post.

Part three...

Living with Betty wasn't easy.

What was surprisingly easy was getting over Bob.

After that day in the hospital i did not shed another tear about it.

I took the whole situation rather well.

Once i knew we were over it was like any excuses and feelings I had about Bob just dissappeared. All i saw were the facts. The facts were that I do not think I really loved Bob. Not even the day we were married. What kept me going was fear.

Fear of change. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being wanted.

I had been lying to myself a long time.

Betty helped me come to the decision to go back to school.

Betty also thought i should start dating. I did not.

I knew i would never find someone that would want to be with an overweight infertile. Just like Bob said.

Betty set me up on blind dates. I went on them to be nice.

Just before my lap surgery an old friend from my high school days friended me on FB. I never accepted it for fear of Bob's reaction since this friend was a guy.

Two months after leaving Bob i accepted the request.

We FB messaged and decided to meet up to catch up as old friend do.

I was nervous. I mean it wasn't a "date" but this was a cute boy from HS. I had changed so much and looked awful. But i wanted to meet up.

He explained he had heard about everything (or so he thought) about me and Bob. We still had mutual friends and word travels. The last time he and I had any contact was over ten years ago. We had seen each other at friends BBQ's, baby showers, and wedding throughout the years. We both pretty much "knew" what has happened in each others lives.

After that day I KNEW i wanted to date this man. It was the first guy i had felt anything for. It was exciting.

Now how did i convince him he wanted to be with me???

We were texting one night (we did this often) and i decided to put myself out there. I had survived Bob. I could survive anything.

 I would not let fear control me as i had in the past.

I told him i would not hate it if we went on a date.

He didn't respond for almost 18 hours.

He said how about we go to the beach and hang out.

I was terrified. Nobody would want to see me in a bathing suit and then want to date me.

Betty disagreed

i spent days picking out the right outfit and going over what i would say.

 Do i tell him about Bob? Tell him I'm an infertile?

He showed up at my place and was wearing normal clothes. I asked him if we were still going to the beach. He said yes but just thought we could walk and talk.

We talked about everything except Bob and IF.

It was a great date.


okay wow!! this IS getting long!

Thanks for those still reading. I am sorry it is taking so long, but I want to get it all out there and never have to explain it again.