Sunday, May 26, 2013

I Should B hydrating

Friday DH and I took off to attend Disney's Star Wars weekend at Hollywood Studios. We met up with cousin K and her daughter. K is a huge Star Wars fan. I honestly have only seen the movies all the way through once. 

Well Friday morning I woke up at 5am and I felt awful. I was having Endo cramps and was nauseated. We'd waited a long time to go to this and I knew DH and K were really looking forward to it. So, I put my mind to it that I would go no matter what. When DH woke up he noticed I didn't look well. He asked if I was ok and did I need anything. I said I was just tired. So we all head out a while later. In the car I was so nauseous we had to stop for a Sprite Zero to help my tummy. I promptly fell asleep in the car. When I woke up we were parking the car at Magic Kingdom. We planned on hitting up HS first then ending our day at MK. So it made sense to just park the car where we would end our day. We waited on a bus to take us over to HS. It wasn't too far away (15 min). Well between parking the car at MK and arriving at HS I started shaking, feeling light headed, and still nauseous. I kept it to myself. I balled my hands up in fists to hide the shaking and just willed the other symptoms to go away. I WAS going and I WAS going to enjoy it dammit! I kept this up for about an hour. K and DH were loving HS and I was mainly trudging along pushing the stroller. We decided to go see a kids show for little M and to get out of the heat (it was in the nineties). During the show I almost threw up and the shaking got too bad. I was exhausted from hiding it. My muscles were done. K noticed something was off and when she touched my arm the look of shock on her face scared me. I apparently was very clammy/cold and my skin very splotchy. K was immediately concerned and told DH to fan me with a hat to help. After the show I shared I was shaky and probably just needed food. The walk to the air conditioned food court would normally take 5 minutes tops. It took 30 minutes(maybe more). I could not walk a few feet without needing to sit down. My whole body was exhausted. K got me water while I leaned on DH for support. When we got to the food court area I was  cold to the touch. I'd just been in ninety degree sun pelting weather but my skin felt really cold. DH got me to sit and then got us food. Little M stayed with me. She kept trying to get me to play with her and I wanted to so badly and just couldn't muster the strength. Little M has us wrapped around her finger. I would almost do anything to get a smile from her. Well food came. I took one bite and threw it up. The shakes got so terrible I couldn't stop them. Even my legs were shaking. These were not the I have low sugar shakes but more like I just ran a million miles and my body can go no further and is giving up shakes. It was decided DH and I were going home. I was in no position to be at a theme park and the decision was no longer mine to make. Being the hard head that I am I still thought I could stay. I got out voted. Even little M said "sick. Go night night". By this point I could only take sips of water and barely. DH and K wanted to called for a wheelchair. I did not want that and insisted I could make it to K's car in the parking lot at HS. It took awhile but I did make it. She drove us to MK for our at and off we want. Back home. We drove two hours for me to get sick and have to come back. I was so worried everyone was mad at me. They kept saying they were just worried about me. DH was upset that I didn't say something earlier. He said he hated seeing me this sick. We had to stop for saltines and a sprite so I would throw up in the car. 

Does anyone know what was wrong with me?

Well we figured it out. I was severely dehydrated. I'd had diarrhea for the two days prior. I'd really only drank bubbly stuff to help my tummy. I chalked it up to Metformin tummy issues (you know the ones I'm talking about). While at the park I didn't sweat. I was indirect sunlight and ninety degree weather and no sweat. That is bad. So lets add heat exhaustion too. 
I was lucky I didn't end up on a stretcher at the park. I got home and my mom texted me. She said she had a bad feeling and wanted to see if I was ok. My mom has always known when something is wrong. I don't know how but she does. It is both reassuring and creepy. She flipped out and that is putting it lightly. She said she was going to drive (over an hour) over if I didn't hydrate and eat something. So to my weight loss detriment I had Gatorade and pizza(the only thing that sounded good). I took a picture and sent it to mom. 

I was tired so I slept. 

I woke up Saturday and I swear I felt more sore all over my body than the time I was in a car accident (many years ago). I couldn't move without pain. Lets add in AF cramps and boy oh boy was my day starting off well. Sadly, this was my day to run my first 5k. 

I had my stuff laid out. 

This 5k was not happening for me today. 

I cried. 

This was a goal I'd set for myself.
 I'd paid for it. 
I'd trained for it. 
and I would not be participating. 

I was so disappointed in myself. My stubbornness and inability to hydrate properly led to this. I was mad. 

DH reminded me that this is not that last 5k ever. There would be more and I will do one. Just not that day and in the sun. He said he wouldn't stop me but he preferred I stay home and take care of myself. Seeing me like I was the day before had scared him. Shoot it had scared me. 

So, I did not run a 5k. I put my health first. 

Today is Sunday. 

I feel better but still sore. I never knew how exhausting it is to dehydrate. 

I am thankful that things did not end up worse. 

I know they could have. 

This memorial weekend I am thankful. 

I am thankful for DH. 

I am thankful to K and little M. 

I am thankful to the men and women that have served to protect our country. 

Today we are going to our niece, little K's (not to be confused with little M) birthday party. 

Today will be a good day. 

Bloggie world I hope your day is good too. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I Should B all set

Yep I think I'm all set for this cycle. 
- tampons (till I'm done w/AF)
- FR fertility test (they were on sale)
- FR OPKs 
- WondFo OPKs
- CB fertility monitor and test sticks
- BBT thermometer
- prenatal vitamins 
- Metformin (not pictured)

Now my job is to not miss a day and TRACK, TRACK, TRACK!! 


I showed this picture to DH and he was like "wow". I said ,"see your daily vitamins aren't too bad now are they". Lol. We had our "game plan" meeting and ended it with a pinky promise and a kiss :-)

It is game time and we are the star players! :-) 

I hope we can keep the enthusiasm up. 

On a side note please DO NOT buy your OPKs at a grocery store. They are over priced and the selection is tiny. I advise a drugstore or online for best prices and options. I did not buy mine there but a friend did and she paid way too much. 

Thanks for reading and good night bloggie world. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I Should B curled up

Curled up with a heating pad and a good book that is. 

Today marks CD1. 

I didn't think we timed last month right but a girl does have hope. It was a small amount of hope, but still hope nonetheless. 

This month we have a plan. I am NOT going to miss a single day for temping or OPKing. We WILL BD as much as we can to catch the surge.

 Hopefully, I will surge again this cycle. Hopefully, it is not another 49 day cycle. Hopefully, we will be successful. 

Hope is exhausting. 

You know what else is exhausting?


Being composed in certain situations is so difficult. I bet you want examples huh? 

It just so happens I have two examples right here. 

Example One:
My uncle just remarried three years ago. I was not invited to the wedding. I can only assume it was because I had just separated from my then husband and was an emotional wreck. I never asked why and because I am polite I never will. Plus, I might go off on them. I recently (5 months ago) married my DH. I invite my uncle and his wife. They rsvped and said they were coming. They didn't show up. They didn't call. They didn't text. They did not even send a carrier pigeon. Being the composed and polite person I am, I did not ask and probably never will. A little over a month ago they announced via FB they are having a baby. Two weeks ago I get an invitation to the baby shower. I being the polite and composed person that I am, rsvped that I would be there. This past weekend I went through their baby registry and I almost fell apart. I mean its not fair that when I get to browse baby things that it is for other people. I admit I am not as composed right now as I was then. Sitting with my DH analyzing their registry was heartbreaking. I didn't break down. I do not want to be a bitter infertile. I want to be happy for others. I have never felt as awful as I did going through their registry. I will admit I had a petty moment or two. Some of the stuff they picked out was hideous (at least to me and DH), this helped more than I care to admit. So, in two weeks I will go to a baby store and buy their gift. I will more than likely browse other things at the store in longing. I will most defiantly cry my car in the parking lot. However, at that shower I will be composed. I may wish it was me but either way a new life is coming into the world and I am thankful for that. I can guarantee I will fall apart after the shower because composure is exhausting. 

Example 2:
DH's cousin K and I have become close since I have been with him. I even watch her daughter when her and her husband do date nights or can't find a sitter. I love their daughter. Not once have I ever felt jealously or negative feelings associated with her. K has even been saving baby items at her place to pass on to DH and I when it is our turn. I absolutely love K for this. When I got a +opk she was just as excited as I was. She knows our struggles and is there with an ear when I need her. K is truly a good friend. Last Friday I watched K's daughter while they went out. Afterwards K and I talked. She mentioned that her and her husband were trying to have a sibling for their daughter. They have tried for 5 months and still nothing. She asked for my help. She asked me to show her the ropes of OPKs and charting. My heart sank. I was speechless. They originally told me they were saving the things from their daughter for me because they did not want another child. Now they have decided that siblings are important (I agree) and want one for their daughter. I showed her the ropes. Told her about FF , BBT and OPKs. I told her if she had any questions she could text me. She said she hoped she wouldn't have to because she could be pregnant now but is in her 2ww. Yep, you guessed it. My stomach dropped. I stayed composed. We talked about other things that night of course. One was an article I'd recently read where an infertile lost a friendship because she couldn't handle said friend being pregnant. K immediately said she is glad I'm not a bitter infertile. She is happy I'm so nice and can talk about these things. Again I was composed. I left K's house after chatting for four hours. I got in my car and I lost my composure. I drove with tears running down my face. The thoughts running through my head were too fast to comprehend. Mostly, I was hurt. If K gets pregnant I want to be happy for her. I want to be as good a friend as she is. I don't know how much composure I have or if it is enough. I do not want her to know how upset I am. I am not mad at her. I'm mad at me. I'm mad that I get hurt by this. I'm mad that I'm emotional about this. I'm mad that I don't think I'll be able to watch her tummy grow as mine doesn't. But of course I will be there as friends and family always are. I will keep my composure because I love my family and K is part of that. I love my friends and K is part of that as well. I know I'm not the first infertile to deal with these feelings and I know I won't be the last. I do know that these feelings suck! And composure is more exhausting than running a 5k. 

Speaking of a 5k. 

My first official 5k is Saturday. It isn't a timed one or anything but it is important to me. Ugh, I just realized AF will be with me during it :-( I'm sure that will be fun. Lol

I am now going to take time to curl up with a book(non school related) and a heating pad. I hope these cramps subside before I have class later. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings today bloggie world.

 I hope your day is fantastic. 

Monday, May 20, 2013

I Should B shaking my fist

Oh I AM shaking my fist!

 In the air! 

At a random company in India!!!! 

I have been spammed! 



So as a blogger I have a stats page that lets me know the amount of activity on my page (how many times it has been viewed). I go and look at it today and it said 33 views. I was like wow. I mean I didn't even post today (or recently). It was from a host site I didn't recognize so I clicked on it. It took me to some weightloss page.

 A page I've never heard of or seen before today. 

I decided to google the site. 

Googling things is pretty much my answer to all conundrums. 


This means that they are trying to get me (the blogger) to click on this unknown site to increase traffic to their site. These sites are not actually viewing the page and the only person that gets scammed is ME. so yep I am pissed and annoyed. I am mainly angry at myself for clicking the stupid link. 

Please learn from me. DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK!! 

Okay I am going back to study. I guess this is what I get for being distracted by blogs. 

Have a good day bloggie world

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I Should B BDing!!!!!



So let me give you a break down of things. I know you are dying to know. 

So, normally I use the Clear Blue fertility monitor to track ovulation. After reading up on it and PCOSers I decided to add OPKs to the mix in case the monitor missed my ovulation area since I have longer cycles than the average woman. 

I have never used OPKs before and was quite hesitant to start. The part that worried me was the fact that I had to interpret the results myself. I was worried my wishful thinking would get me to see what I wanted and not the truth. With encouragement from other women in the infertility community I decided I could do it and when in doubt I would post pictures for help with the interpretations. I did not enter this with much vigor. I would go a few days with testing and then miss one or two. Well today I woke up and decided to test. I did not test yesterday because I was having cramping and figured it was AF headed my way.So I wasn't clear on whether it was + or - so I posted it online for help. They all agreed (after I took two) that the OPK was POSITIVE !!!! I never know when AF is coming and I am still worried that this +OPK stuff is a fluke and AF is coming any minute. However, to just get a +OPK is a dream come true. I feel like it is a mistake (even after two different type of opks). I wondered if you could get a +OPK if AF is around the corner so, naturally I googled it. There were varying opinions on the subject so I'm still not convinced this is a true +OPK. I do not want to get my hopes up too far. I know only time will tell. 

Do not worry DH and I did the BD minutes after I took the OPK (and will again later) I elevated my hips with my legs in the air afterwards and everything. Lol. It might be for nothing but we have to try. 

To get this type of hope on Mothers Day is such a blessing. It means the possibility of me becoming a mother is still there. 

Even if this is just a fluke, I will cherish the hope it has brought me even for this one day. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

I Should B Patient

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. I was dealing with the last few weeks of the semester and finals. I have been reading all your blogs and tried to comment when I could. 

First off, " participating" in ICLW the week of finals was a VERY bad idea! I feel like an ICLW failure. I was not able to keep up with my commenting. I tried and I failed. For this I am sorry. I learned that while in college I don't have the time to add ICLW no matter how much I want to and how good my intentions are. When visiting other blogs I can't just stop by and comment. I want to read their whole blog and their journey. Lets just say that is a lot of reading lol. 

My mother is always telling me,"Patience is a virtue". Yeah well it may be a virtue but it isn't one I possess. 

You know how we IF people dread the 2ww? Well I just went through another type of 2ww. I had to wait for final grades to post. While waiting for grades I cannot POAS to ease my nerves. I can't google search signs that I may have a positive or negative outcome. So, I stalk the university boards for a glimmer or sign of what my grades will be. I would like to mention that going into the finals I have an idea if my grades but it is that final exam that can make or break it. Well the wait ended last night and it is positive! Positive that I have one more semester behind me and only one more till I graduate!! Plus it helps that I got all As and Bs :-)

Sadly, my final semester starts in 4 days. It will be my heaviest load of classes yet with 15 credit hours during the summer. Some classes are only 6 weeks long while others are 11. 

To add to this will be our ttc journey. 

I did not ovulate this cycle (4th cycle) my doctor has increased my metformin to 2000mg a day(before it was 1000mg). I can already tell a difference in my body so hopefully this will work. AF is around the corner or should be. We have not gone to an RE yet since we know our problem is PCOS and that I ovulated before on metformin. Right now we trying the cheapest route even though I have a gut feeling we will be one of those "lucky" couples that will need IVF to achieve pregnancy. DH is a more optimistic person than I am. The doctor is also optimistic. I am a realist. This is not my first trek down this road. On the up side my cycles are becoming regular. The small steps make me happy. After I graduate (in August) our plan of attack on IF will become more aggressive. 

Two more friends have announced pregnancies. ..... Le sigh :-/

I apologize for the long post but I fear this is the type of post that I will be writing more of as school work increases. 

On the weight loss front. I am now down a total of 27.6 pounds! Yeah me! I am also running 3 days a week while counting down to my 5k. 

Tomorrow DH and I are off to Disney (WDW) for the day. It is nice we live close enough to do this and that we have annual passes. 

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you are all having a great bloggie day!

Monday, May 6, 2013

I Should B Tweeting

That's right I joined Twitter! I bet you are wondering what prompted me to do this.

A little bird told me to?

Encouragement from strangers?

It will help fertility?


I have five words for you....


I was so excited to see this that I declared I would join twitter just to share the news. So, readers you may follow me on twitter @IShouldBee. Someone else was already using "IShouldB" so I added the two e's in honor of my little logo.

So go follow me!

FYI. I have no idea what I'm doing as it pertains to twitter please bear with me during my learning period.

Also, I will not be chugging these things. I am just happy to find something that isn't water to have every once in awhile when I'm at home.