Thursday, October 31, 2013
I Should B strong
Thank you Bloggie World for your support for my sister, myself, and our family.
Yesterday was by far one of the worst days of my life.
When I wrote my post about my sister's news it was a pure raw emotional time. Somehow I managed to get to work in one piece as the tears ran down my face. Once at work, the first person that asked me if I was okay got more than she bargained for. I broke down sobbing. It was the first person that had talked to me since I found out the news. I was able to get it together though. Well until the next person asked me if I was ok. I had to ask this person to please tell others to not ask me that. At this point people were probably going to talk about me either way so why not have it explained, just as long as I didn't have to do it. I was asked by my trainer (I'm still very new at work) if I "should be here right now" and I replied with "probably not but I'm not leaving so let's just get to work". I needed the distraction of work. Any time I stopped thinking or focusing on work tears would run down my face. My trainer was very patient with me and I'm so thankful I work with good people. The clients were extra rowdy last night (I work 4p-12:30a this week) and also helped keep my mind off things. By the time I was out of work my emotions were in a better place. My biggest hurdle was receiving the information from my sister so soon before going into work (she thought I was on day shift and only planned to leave me a voicemail to call her back) that I didn't have time to "lose it" fully before reporting to work.
When I got home at 2am (had to work over a bit) DH was still up. He wanted to stay up to see how I was. At this point I was all cried out and only wanted to talk about facts.
1. My sister can beat this.
2. We have to be strong for her and each other.
3. If the worst happens DH and I are willing to move so my niece and nephew don't have to change schools. This would give us each at least an hour commute to work maybe more.
3. We need to focus on the time we do have and not the time we may be losing.
These were the facts at the time. I hope to be able to add to the list. It is all still new/raw but I'm trying to stay strong. It's hardest to stay strong when I'm alone at home or in the car.
My sister will have her first appointment towards ridding herself of this stuff on November 13th (the earliest appointment available). There is a plan of a hysterectomy hopefully no later than Christmas. The doctors say they have to take it one step at a time. Currently my sisters white blood count is low and her blood pressure is dangerously high. They have started her on medications to help.
Did I mention my sister wants me to tell our mother????!!? My sister said she cannot do it. The idea of this terrifies me but I will find the strength to do it. I will not tell my mom till she returns from her vacation with her friends. We want her to enjoy that time.
She also is not going to tell her kids right now. She wants them to not have to worry and be able to enjoy their lives.
So for now the only place to share my feelings (besides the random break down at work) is with DH and you Bloggie world. I may tell my friends but it is in no way going on Facebook. My biggest struggle is I talk to my mom at least three times a week (sometimes more). We are very close. I can't share I'm upset or what about. I worry how my mother will handle this news but I know I get my strength from her and hope she can find it during this time.
This will be a tough journey for us all.
Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers Bloggie world. I will keep you updated as best I can.
Posted by Heather S. @ I Should B ... at 1:35 PM