They were very supportive when I shared we would be taking a break from TTC after the Clomid rounds were not successful.
The same week I announced we would be taking a break two ladies posted BFPs. I was immediately depressed for me and not as happy for them as I wanted to be. Since that time about 30% of the women have posted their BFPs. I again was depressed and only slightly happy for them. I feel awful that I'm not more happy for them.
I have been afraid to write and publish this post as some of the ladies in my group read my blog. I do not want them to think badly of me.
This morning I woke up to cramps and another BFP that wasn't mine staring me in the face. I'm on CD3 and It was mocking me. It boldly told me I was infertile and this was the only way I would ever see a BFP (Okay it really didn't talk to me) .
I do not want a single thing to go wrong in these women's lives. I am looking forward to seeing them get their take home babies. It will not be easy for me.
Today I cry for what I do not have and others do.
Bloggie world I'm a hot mess and i hate myself for it.
