I Should B jumping for joy

Her surgery was a success!! 

I would be jumping for joy but being 30weeks along might make that difficult. 

She is still at the hospital recovering but the doctors are hopeful for a full recovery. 

Oh and she can walk! No paralysis:-)

Admittedly all this stress has not been well for me and the baby. I was experiencing severe anxiety and panic attacks from being overwhelmed. I am now on an anxiety medication and I think I should've spoken up sooner to my doctor. While I still have hormone flare ups, it is no where near where it was. Here I thought I was just getting a big dose of pregnancy hormones. Lol. 

Baby boy is doing good. At my last appointment I was 28w6d and he was  measuring 31w2d. So who know if he will be coming early. 

I have another appointment this Friday along with maternity pictures and meeting my doula. AND this Sunday is the baby shower :-)

Lots of good things going on this week. 

Have a wonderful day Bloggie world

I Should B less angry

Okay so things have not gotten better. 

My sister was admitted to the hospital on Saturday and is scheduled for open chest (to avoid spinal area and limit chances if paralysis) surgery on Thursday. 

This is not how things were supposed to happen. She was supposed to start radiation treatment this coming week. 

Luckily she told her children on Friday so they were not in total shock. 

My sister did not tell me about her being admitted to the hospital until yesterday. She said it was to not worry me or the baby. Ugh ! Why in the world does she think like this?!? I am her medical proxy I HAVE to be informed. She just doesn't seem to comprehend this. 

So the last two days I have gone to the hospital to go over things and hang out after I get out of work. 

I am angry at my family and at this entire unfair situation. 

My mother brought my sisters children to the hospital to see her. On the way she bought the kids dinner. After their visit was over she had the nerve to ask for money from my sister to remburse her for gas/food/parking monies that she spent. WTF?!? I know that it was maybe $30 total. I know my mother has some money. And why in the world is this amount of money so important when her daughter is having open chest surgery in a few days?!? Why in the world can't she stop thinking of herself for a minute and focus on the fact that her 36 year old daughter is laying in a hospital bed?!?

Then there is my niece. She is 15. This week is homecoming week. Homecoming is on Saturday. She had a date who canceled on her after finding out his parents are getting a divorce. He told her he just didn't feel up to going and wanted to spend time with the family. You would think her world is over, nope. She called me today wanting to know if I can take her to get her nails done in Friday. Umm how bout you stop thinking of yourself for one minute and think about your only mother going into surgery she may not live through?!? There are other dances. You only have one mother!!! And while we are at it how about you actually come home after school like you are supposed to and help around the house? 

I just cannot comprehend why nobody else wants to spend time with my sister. Will this be the end for her? No, I don't think so. But dang what if it is?? 

Then, my DH tells me he will be at a buddies house to watch football on Thursday. He said, " if you think I need to be at the hospital let me know." Hmmm let's see, your pregnant wife's sister is having major surgery and God forbid something should go wrong but gee she might need you support... Why would he not think of this?!?! It is just a football game !!!

Why is it my responsibility to be the one to decide who should or should not be there?? Everyone should be there! Not because I said it was the right thing to do but because they WANT to be there. 

If this were DH sibling I would be there without question. 

This could be pregancy hormones talking. 

This could be fear talking. 

This could be anger talking. 

This could be love talking. 

Or

This could be all those feelings and more talking ...

Bloggie world please keep our family in your thoughts this week and appreciate yours. 

I Should B hoping the odds are ever in our favor

I haven't blogged. Blogging just hasn't been something that has been in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for this but I know you all can understand. I started this blog to help me deal with a crappy situation and share my feelings and emotions in a safe place. 

Today I blog to get all my emotions out about a crappy situation that I am trying to not overwhelm and drown me. 

Before I go further, baby boy and I are fine. I am high risk with gestational diabetes and 27w3d. 

This post is about my sister. 

Since my last post there has not been too much to update. I have not been able to attend appointments with her as I now have a day shift full time job and have to attend my own appointments. About 2 hours ago, I called her for our normal weekly chats. She said she had stuff to update me on. She started with that she has not been telling things for fear on how it would affect me and the baby. This upsets me because I'm not overly fragile and it is easier to hear a little at a time then have it all thrown at you. Well she threw it at me today...

She has radiation treatment coming up and a scan. They fear the cancer has spread further as she is losing feeling on her right side. She has been given a TEN PERCENT chance of coming out of the surgery to remove the current tumor and not be paralyzed. That is not a high number. I am her person to decide things for her once she is under and until she wakes up. Today she sobbed and cried at me that if she comes out of surgery paralyzed to not let her live as that is not a life she wants. I know it doesn't work like that unless her brain function is affected too but to hear my sister ask this of me is breaking me. She lives to be active and outdoors. I know if she were paralyzed it would be awful but at least she would still be here. I explained the legal stuff of how it all works but I'm still in shock. 

She wants to prolong the surgery so she can be around for little guys birth. No matter what there will never be a good time for this. 

I am still prosessing. I am sorry I am not writing happy things and only update when I am overwhelmed. This is my overwhelmed let out place. 

I will do my best to keep at this blogging stuff. 

Please pray that the odds are in her favor. 

Hug your loved ones Bloggie world and have a good night